Figuring Out Style in my Forties (Spring edition)

Mid-forties fashion

Fashion always feels so riven with politics (body or otherwise) and it’s taken me a while to decide to write this. Which is crazy as I get so much pleasure from perusing other people’s style markers and inspirations. With the years of early-motherhood behind me, when my main wardrobe choices were framed by comfort and ability to dodge stains, I have spent the last few years re-finding my style. And it’s been interesting. I think this is a really fun part of life to be working out ones style. In my forties (I’m 43) I’m happy, and although I still want my partner to find me attractive, I’m past the age where I feel a subconscious duty to be decorative. However, like my mother, I have started to go through the menopause early, over the last few years. I have noticed changes in my body, my midriff has increased, and my skin is much drier, but I’m also starting to find my feet again in who I am, and wanting to dress in a way which reflects this.

Whilst I’ve been re-finding the clothes that make me happy in this stage of life, there have been some challenges. And though I’m all behind body positivity in essence, it can feel intimidating when the ethos you support doesn’t live up to the reality you feel, and whether it’s comfortable or not, body shape effects how many of us feel. One of the things I have made an effort with is trying to feel like me even when my reflection is saying differently (thanks bloat, hyperpigmentation and thinning hair, I see you all and on a good day chose to ignore you!). Today’s piece is a shallow dive into what’s been working for me and helped me to rediscover the joys of my wardrobe. I’ve made three collections of items from my current Pinterest board that fit the themes I’ve found helpful in defining my fashion style.

What Three Words

When I am designing a room, for myself or a client, I use keywords that ground the look to keep things on track. And I have been thinking on what these words are in relation to my style (much like the popular navigation app) I have selected three words, that feel like touchstones of my style.

Undone is definitely the first word, I am the opposite of polished which feels too fussy and formal for me. Undone feels like you see the rules, you understand them, but you need to relax them a little. Next is Classic, I am not a trend dresser and never have been, but I am also not a committed individualist - this feels like a bit of an exhausting commitment to me. I still wear skinny jeans from time to time despite the smirks of the trendsetters and GenZ. My final word is Elegant which I take to mean a style that favours natural materials, investment pieces, and which elevates my more casual style tendencies. Elegant feels feminine to me and a little sexy, though what I find sexy now is different to my early twenties.

Dressing for a New Body Shape

One of the things I’ve had to rethink is how to dress for my changing body shape. My childbearing hips have shrunk a little but my gut has increased. I felt I had always known how to dress for my shape when the occasion presented. Do you remember those short-ish empire line dresses with capped sleeves in the late nineties often with a band of ribbon to be tied at the back? Or the Grecian style chiffon dresses of the noughties? Those were my dresses. My staple confidence boosters. But they just wouldn’t make me feel the same way anymore.

I tend to wear looser clothes these days, but with one fitted element. One surprise for me is how much I have embraced true high waisted trousers. I have long legs (almost 5ft 10” and a disproportionately short torso) so I was worried before trying them that the high waisted pants may highlight this disproportionality. But I actually find them quite forgiving of middle aged spread. When the waist comfortably hits just where my tummy is most noticeable (otherwise you end up with an unsightly spill) they can hold you in when you sit down (just don’t overdo it on tightness!).

Pearl Necklace, Sezane. Hooded Cape, Hush. Sunglasses, Le Specs. Ischia Dress, Doen. Snaffle Belt, Boden. Braided Jacket, & Other Stories. Stripe Sweatshirt, H&M. Cross Strap Ballet Flats, Anthropologie. Leather Crossbody Bag, Hush.

Polished but Undone

I like to give the impression of a relaxed personality, I’m not sure that I actually am one, but I have always felt that really formal dressing feels a bit unapproachable. Plus loose formal clothing makes me look frumpy, tailored makes me look like a vamp, and neither of these would find me feeling comfortable. Undone takes some inspiration from formal and subverts it. I may sometimes veer towards the preppy with clean lines, but my style is more minimalist with a messy element. So undone feels like a good marker for that.

La Chamade T-shirt, Sezane. Cotton Wrap Dress, Mint Velvet. Denim Zip Midi Dress, M&S. Woven Crossbody Bag, Naghedi. Navy Ribbed Cardigan, H&M. Blue Gazelles, Adidas. Quilted Jacket, Passenger. Blue Cheesecloth Dress, Boden.

True Blue

(or using colour for dopamine dressing)

Finding a colour that makes you feel alive is really important in clothing and the most common colour in my wardrobe is blue (by a country mile). In the past I owned a lot of navy, but now have a lot of punchier blues and they really make my heart sing. From deepest inky blues to pale moonstone and bright sky blue with everything inbetween, I have a shade of blue for almost any occasion. I have often painted rooms in my own home blue and could talk about the colour psychology of blue for hours, it’s one of my happy colours. I have always gravitated towards blue in my wardrobe as it felt less harsh than black but still not loud or attention grabbing. Since I’ve started reading more about make-up with my changing face I know that it’s also a solid choice that contrasts well with my green eyes.

Mid-rise Tapered Jeans, Boden. Tere Ring, Daphine. Woven Trainers, FitFlop. Kismet T-shirt, Cub and Pudding. Ombre Sweatshirt, Hush. Girlfriend Jean, Boden. Black Dress, Albaray. Midi Sac bag, Clare V.

The Rule of Repetition

The final thing I have found, and it’s not about being matchy-matchy which I have always swerved, is repeating elements to polish your look. I find picking out one element of an outfit, be it colour or texture, and then repeating it through accessories like shoes, handbag, jacket or cardigan, can help to pull everything together and elevate a simple outfit. What elements do you think about with your personal style? I’d love to hear.